May the Fuzzy Memories of your Future keep you Warm

Reasons I am Sad/Upset:

Summer is over.

True love never works out for me. ever.

I have a cankersore in my mouth.

I don't get along with my dad. at all. ( at all.)

I feel like I'm not doing much with my life.

I have to go back to college, which i hate. loathe, actually. 

Reasons I am Happy:

I got my pictures developed today.

I listened to Oasis' new song and really liked it.

I got a black urban hat with sequins today.

I drank alot of coffee. 

Reasons I am still Bleh, Ick: 

I feel as if I am an adult, still being treated as a child. 

I do not need told what to wear, listen to, or what my bedtime is. 

I am very frustrated. 

This is not an act of rebellion on my part, but rather an evident truth that is easy to see to a party all except for one. 

Trying to stand up for your own personal thoughts and ideas while being treated like you are

immature, foolish, and overly-emotional is difficult. 

Living in-between the lines of obeying in order to keep the cash flowing or going broke bc of personal expression is a hard line to walk. I have chosen the former, seeing as it was the wisest thing to do concerning the bleak outlook of my economic standpoint at this current time. 

I am looking forward to the day when i will not only be treated as an adult, but also as a mature individual who has beneficial outlooks on life and is admired for her courage and boldness in wise decisions, good relationships, and an adventurous future. 

this makes no sense to anyone but me. oh well. 

"Yep, We have your Car..."

It has been quite a day. 

I woke up at 4 am and went to work at the Murat Theatre- one of my absolute favorite places in Indy. I forgot how peaceful the world is in the 

wee early morning hours...i loved it.

 Today's event was the American Cancer Society "Making Strides" Against Breast Cancer Kickoff Breakfast. Amo

ng the people sitting at my tables were executives of Rolls Royce, K 105.7, and Miss America 2009! (yes, she was gorgeous.) At one point in the event, I actually got teary-eye

d, because they asked all the survivors of breast cancer to stand up, and many many women rose proudly to their feet with a look of bravery. It was incredible. We also got to wear these really cool breast cancer fighting pink clips on our

 jacket :) 

After work, I walked across the street to Mass Ave, where I slid into starbucks and ordered an apple fritter and pike place black hot coffee. I read the paper, then sat in the window and watched all the people walk up and down the street. It was a beautiful day- people were smiling more than normal today. Next, I went to Global Gifts. I love this store because everyt

hing in it is fair trade, so you know your purchase is going towards actually helping someone in a foreign country. Plus, their free coffee samples rock! 

I strolled across the street to LUNA, where I was given a free MuteMath poster, which completely made my day! I love LUNA- i feel so alive the minute i walk into its doors. I would love to spend hours in a day searching through old record stores. Anyways....

I walked down the avenue to go home...when i realized...Simba. Was. Gone.

My Mighty-Lion-ManCub-KingWarrior had been towed! 

After calling the towing company, I walked to the CityMarket, found an ATM, and then

asked for directions to the towing place. 

15 blocks later, sweaty, feet covered in blisters, I found "Last Call! Towing Service". 

10 minu

tes and $95 later, I was blissfully reunited with my handsome Simba. 

After that, the day was kind of a blur. I went home and read some news. I did some laundry and drank alot more coffee. 7:30 was Orchestra Practice, which i actually enjoyed tonight! Yay flute. Then, s

omeone came over and surprised me with my favorite- Diet Chocolate Coke :) 

As I write this, I am feeling freshy-skweaky clean after my shower ( i smell like irish spring clovers!) and I am getting ready to hit the sack- falling asleep to Landslide by FleetWood Mac. Such a great song- one of the absolute classics of life. 

I was thinking earlier that I am pretty sure no one ever reads my blog. I think I am the only one who knows it exsists. But then I decided I don't really care.  I LOVE writing, and I do it for myself. So if no one else reads this, it's okay, because it felt good to write :) 

Welp, thats about it. The song just changed to Amber- another one of my absolute favorites. 

What a day. Despite the towing thing, I'd say it was really good. I am savoring these last days of summer with every ounce of energy and excitement I can. I put these good summer days away inside, so that when I'm sad at school, I can pull them out and daydream about them again. Because in my heart, mind, life- it is ALWAYS  summer :) 

Wish I Had A Mango Tree

this song is just so good....

i love the acoustics

I wish I had a mango tree 
In my backyard 
With you standin next to me 
Take the picture 
From her lips I heard her say 
"Can I have you?"
Caught up on what to say 

i said you already do...

I said you do 
I said you do 

Through my eyes I can see 
A shooting star 
Weavn its way across the sea 
Somewhere from mars 
Down the street we would run 
To scratch our names in the path 
Young and free in the sun 
Wheels upon the tar 

"Can I have you?"

I said you already do... 

the Thought Bank

Okay this is hard.

Really, really hard.

A lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

I'm sad. 

I find myself still missing someone.

Why do things in life have to be so hard?

Why is everything so complicated?

Driving home tonight, I was riding down the

interstate with the windows down and radiohead blaring.

I came up with this idea to help solve the thoughts of misery floating in my head.

I developed...the Thought Bank. 

the Thought Bank is a place where you take your sad, weary thoughts that are hurting your heart

and you simply-deposit-them-in-the-bank. Then, you pick happy, appealing thoughts that

make your heart feel better and give you a more uplifting outlook on your current situation.

After time goes on and you begin to feel better, then you can return your happy, appealing thoughts for regular everyday life thoughts that are still entertaining. 

Lastly, when something extraordinary & amazing happens, you are so full of happiness that you return to the deposit box you put your sad, weary thoughts in and pull them out. You review how hurt and sad you were, and then you compare them to how happy and incredible you feel now. This makes the extraordinary moment you just experienced in your life even more awesome. Sound complicated? It's really not. After you compare, you simply dispose of your sad, weary thoughts or keep them in the deposit box for reflection.  There you go. that's the idea of the Thought Bank. 

The only problem is.....I haven't experienced that extraordinary& incredible moment yet.

I'm still hurting.

I'm still missing.

I'm still trying to get past it all. 

So the only thing thats in my deposit box are my sad, weary thoughts.

But I'm hoping that someday

somehow

somewhere

I will get a phone call, visit, or something that gives me my incredible moment.

That makes me feel so completely happy I will never forget it.

I won't hurt

miss

or

need to get past it anymore. 

Until that day....I am trying to be content. I am trying to accept life at it's face value. I'm trying to see the beauty in life every single day.  Because life is beautiful...incredibly beautiful.

And someday....

I'll be walking my happy thoughts

into

the

Thought

Bank. 

Streetlights

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are real friends...." 

-Aw.P.

House of Cards

no matter how it starts

no matter how it ends...

Mejor & Peor- (Best & Worst List of da Week)

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BESTS:

Best Song- Midnight Sun by the Sounds

Best Food- Jasmine Mint Organic Rice. yummm.

Best Fashionista- Urban Outfitters

Best Nail Polish- Black is Back by niicole

Best Place- Pastello de la Castellana - live music at night, great streets cafes, etc. 

Best Book- "Your Personal Financial Study Guide to Success" - i need this badly

Best Candle- Flores Lilas- burns for hours

Best News Website- DrudgeReport.com

Best Movie- Hook. RUFIO!

Best Yoga Move- Stick Pose to Extended Bridge

Best Paint Color I've made so far: Teal-aqua-swirly-white-awesome-ish

WORSTS:

Worst song: Hey There Delilah

Worst Food: Mushrooms, of course. sick. 

Worst Fashionista: Hollister. gross. so uncreative. shorts that don't cover my butt are lame. 

Worst Nail Polish: metallic blue. matches with nothing.

Worst Place: School, sitting in nursing class.  Grey walls. Monotone. Sounds like jail,  right?

Worst Book: Quite possibly the one I'm reading now- the Client. 

Worst Candle: Pumpkin Spice. just smells like beef. 

Worst NewsWebsite: New York Times.com

Worst Movie: Ever? the Hulk. Right now? Neverwas.

Worst Yoga Move:  the one where I can't reach my toes

Worst Paint Color I've made so far: 

none, b/c all colors are pretty. Except my grey was pretty ugly. 

But I have to end with another best, in keeping up with a positive demeanor: 

BEST DRINK EVER: coffee. duh. 

No One Sleeps When I'm Awake....

Once again, fate has delivered me a song that is completely beautiful....

by THE SOUNDS

<<://link attached://>>

I've seen people losing all of their faith
before they knew what they were looking for
I swore I'd never ever do it again
till this day

Words are all I have to give to you
you never seem to see it my way
Standing in the shadows I hear
people say


I've got confessions to make
listen up
no one sleeps when I'm awake


The dreams I dream
the song I sing for you
they're coming from my heart
is my message getting through?
You know it hurts so bad
just like i knew that it would
but I'd do it again
I'd do it again if I could
I'd do it again if I could.....

I don't think you know what it's like
you should be careful what you're wishing for
and try to set your ego aside
you will find
a false piece of mind
you fall behind
and everybody's getting tired of you
standing in the shadows i hear
people say

I've got confessions to make
listen up
no one sleeps when i'm awake


Hey 
i want you to know ....
'Cause the dreams that i dream
and the songs that i sing
when I lost myself and a different meaning
Shot down and post, imagine although it's
hundreds of dreams
they can place around you....

Cause No One Sleeps When I'm Awake...

incredible song.