New Years Resolutions, also known as a Hot Jumbled Mess...

I know I am only one of millions of Americans who make New Year's Resolutions. Yet, despite the cliche, I still feel the need to jot a few down. Will I keep them? Yes. Maybe. Probably not.

Hot Jumbled Mess List of 2010:

1. stop locking the bathroom door when I take a shower. Repeat to self, "there are no creepy men in your house, and they are not going to rape you. Now shampoo up with bravery."

2. Quit checking my email inbox or facebook every 2 hours, hoping for some grandeur message from Mr. Madly In Love with you Forever.

3. Make an honest attempt to wear any other footwearbesides my Uggs and running shoes. Yes, Rachel, it is possible to wear your tom's and high heels in the

winter.

4. Not despise myself for wearing Uggs everywhere.

5. Visit the Art Museum of Chicago and see Edward Hopper's Nighthawks painting.

6. Run the Indianapolis Mini Marathon without dying. Crawling to finish line is acceptable.

7. Make power of attorney will on legalzoom.com when I do die from running so far. Betrove my audrey hepburn collectible dolls to mallory, my teddy bear to mom, and my black and white hand illustrated peter pan book to isaac. Oh, and my bob marley record I found for $2 to eric.

8. Not flirt with the barista at Starbucks, even though I know he is openly gay, for an extra shot in my already adrenaline jolted/cocaine induced/ Venti Americano. (but hey, it works, doesn't it?)

9. Pick out shampoo, conditioner, and body lotion all out in 2 minutes, as opposed to my 20 minute aisle standoff..."This one says extra moisture, but this one makes my hair smell like jolly ranchers!!!"

10. Manage my online spending and shopping habits.

11. Not hate myself when I spend extraordianous amounts of money on oversized sunglasses, large dangly earrings, vintage awesomeness, and strange sparkly ice skating outfits that i secretly dream of wearing out on the ice. (they never seem to

leave my room though.)

12. Figure out what the heck I'm suppose to be doing in life.

13. Assure myself that it's okay I don't know what I'm doing in life and go back to reading Charlotte's Web, which is most comforting.

14. Not text Joey, Mr. Gorgeous Right Now, flirty texts that I feel hint at seduction but rather come off as sad attemps of a 14 year old girl trying to meet one of the Jonas brothers.

15. Remind myself to avoid all boys and possible avenues of romance, repeating over and over, "you are a strong independent woman and you do not need a man to complete you!"

16. Not feel ashamed when I devour a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's after watching a chick flick, and telling myself the harsh reality is that I am completely single and the only guy who calls me is Big Mike, a guy I worked with one summer at camp; he tells me of his endearing love for me in the midst of a drunken ramble and his devoted mission to spend days with me on a beach. He is in the Army. In Louisiana. Oh, and he smells like old cheese. Never, ever going to happen.

Put down the spoon, rachel.

17. STOP FLIPPIN' RESPONDING to Joey's texts with flaming lame flirtatious answers, like I'm doing right now.

18. Write letters- real ones with recycled paper and stamps and ballpoint ink-or crayon- to the people I love and admire in my life.

Also to Chris Martin and my undying love for his music. and him. OH! and what

I might say to Marilyn Monroe or Jimmy Page and Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin.

19. Have a love story exactly like 500 days of Summer, except we end up together in the end.

21. Do random acts of kindness for complete strangers. Friends and family is fine too

22. Keep green plants alive for more than a week- i think, just maybe, it can be done.

23. Know random facts of knowledge, such as the world's highest mountain, the longest amount of time a piece of gum was chewed, the temperature of spring in Conshohocken, Pennsylvania, and a variety of costume stores all within a 45 mile radius. Bring these facts up in conversation when things are akward, nervous, or just plain completely

boring.

AND DUN-DUN-DAH-DAH.....DRUMROLL PLEASE.....

the last resolution I have is...

24. Achieve world peace.

Just kidding. But really. Oh, stop biting my nails.

Here's looking at you, 2010.....