Christmas in Indianapolis. Yet another post on
how much I love this city.
Last night I was on Monument Circle and the lights sparkled energetically like glitter nail polish- which was painted on the horses' hooves of course, for tourist entertainment. As I packed myself into the jammed 20 person Starbucks line, I sighed. There were four baristas pouring and steaming milk like madmen, yet they somehow managed to have a smile on their face and a sense of humor in their spirit. I was once again reminded on why I love Starbucks so much- no wait; scratch that; how I love the d
ifferent types of people that work at Starbucks. It's the melting pot of the world, drink wise if you think about it.
Anyways, getting back to the point- Christmas. I have been feeling pretty down because the Christmas spirit just hasn't grabbed a hold of me yet.T The Christmas carols just weren't quite doing it and even the beautiful, white laced tree sitting boldly in the middle of my living room wasn't as amped as I hoped. But today- finally- Christmas spirit showed itself. I went caroling with some people at a nursing home; and suffice to say the singi
ng definitely wasn't up to par as is beach boys christmas. In fact, it sort of had the resemblance to the really bad "check into cash- we pay you now! jingle" on those awful commercials. However, it completely doesn't matter how it sounded- because the act of it was beautiful. After listening to the likes of Hark the Herald, Have yourself a merry little christmas, and Jingle bells, this adorable old woman gave me a hug and told me that Jesus loved me and she did too. Her eyes were streaming happiness; and I just knew tha
t the Lord definitely shows Himself in everyday life through everyday people. That's what Christmas is about isn't it? Not hot cocoa or warm cashmere sweaters you got 25% at Macys..its about the incredibly beautiful people you meet and the stories that they have--about what happened this year that brought them to this Christmas. As I was strolling downtown, mesmerized by the electricity and excitement in the air, I began to wonder about the people passing me on the sidewalk. What had happened to them this
year? Where were they last Christmas? are they different or the same because of the actions of this year? Are they happy?
Being inherently selfish in nature, I began to wonder the same thing myself. Here I was with my commercialized coffee and my Northface coat, yet I wasn't fooling anyone. At least not myself. I definitely was not the same person last Christmas that I am this year. Christmas Eve of 2008 found me at my ex-boyfriends grandparents house, getting teary eyed because they had made me my own stocking for the mantle. Oh, and he got me Tiffanys. We were destined to be together, forever right? Marriage was definitely forthcoming. HA! What nieve fools we are when we choose to see the world as we like it, not as it truly is. Really,
sometimes there is a comfort in seeing the world as it is, not as it should be- because after all, that's reality.
I am not bitter. I am hopeful. I am abundantly glad that we aren't together; and that I am not getting married anytime soon. Thank God almighty in heaven. This year, I've learned that you aren't everything you pump yourself out to be. It's possible
to wake up every day and look in the mirror and not even know yourself. It is only when some tragic event happens- like failing out of nursing school or getting your heart broken by someone you loved all July; per say- to put it all in perspective and show you what you really want in life. Faith. That is what i have learned this year. Believing in something bigger than yourself, and having the courage to be annoyingly uncomfortable while you wait for God to show you what He- the big guy upstairs- is doing. I guess the simplest way to put it is lifting your hand to your mouth to put in what you think is a piece of mint gum, when it actuality is its juicy fruit and you are oddly- yet happily- surprised. You have no idea how it got in your purse, or in your possession for that matter. But it's different, and you acce
pt it.
Sometimes I get upset that another Christmas has rolled around and love has yet again passed me by. I cover it up by telling myself that "you don't need a man, you are a strong independent woman who doesn't have any time for a 2o-something boys PMS moods." But then the other, quieter voice pokes it head out a little and says, Just wait. You know you do want to fall in love...just wait for the perfect time." Christmas, for some odd reas
on, makes me yearn for love. I see men in long dark coats walking out of Tiffany's and I wish for one second that I was the wife on the other end- celebrating my several years of Christmas with the man I chose to spend forever with. I am a stupid girl. I want to be in love but not actually wait or work for it. How selfish. If I think about it, it is actually a good thing to be love-less around Christmas. I have the overactive tendenc
y to be exaggeratingly excited about a boyfriend. I forget to look around and see all the other blessings I have. This year, however, my mind is occupied by friends and family and the beauty of giving service and caring for those who need it most. While being single is not only annoying but inconvenient as well, it has its beauty. I am starting to see this.
I have no idea what lead me to write this post. Maybe it was the graceful snow falling outside my window combined with the halo-ish calming
effect of fleet foxes. I have droned on about lifes situations as seen in sticks of gum and my woes of being single. I guess what I'm really trying to say in all this is that even though things in life hurt or seem hard and you feel as if you are more lost now than you have ever been, Christmas brings a new hope. Christmas wraps itself around you like a long blanket out of the dryer, embracing you to feel that everything is going to be alright- if only for a short season. It looks you head on, and gives you this strong sense of freedom and peace that you haven't felt in a long time. It makes you feel okay about being yourself again, be
cause after all, the Big Man created you exactly how he wanted you to be. He sent his son to save you from all your insecurities and fears, to raise you up and give you a fresh life that no other human alive could have dreamed of.
And that my friends, is what I call the Christmas Spirit.
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